A Person Who Knows That Camping Is Awful “The air is too fresh. It’s disgusting. I can’t breathe.”
1. First of all, there are thousands of other vacation spots that aren’t the middle of nowhere.
2. Pitching a tent is way more work than it needs to be.
3. And that 5 cm. of fabric isn’t really gonna protect you.
4. If you’re on your period, you’ll just spend your time worrying that a bear is gonna sniff you out and eat your body. And yeah, we know this has (probably) never happened, but whatever. It’s scary.
5. Brain-eating amoebas exist, so why bother going near a lake ever again?
6. You’ll become breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, and a midnight snack for every bug in existence. FUN!
7. Cooking over a camp fire is gonna result in food casualties. And your food doesn’t deserve this.
8. Or you won’t even have food left once nature decides to eat it for you.
9. Camp fires can also burn the forest to the ground and you don’t wanna get on Smokey Bear’s bad side.
10. Shitting in a bucket is unnecessary. Period.
11. A flashlight isn’t going to expose whatever’s lurking behind you in the dark.
12. Good luck driving through something that’s not a road.
13. Or walking in general.
14. There is literally no cell signal or Wi-Fi which means you’ll be trapped with your thoughts.
15. Some plants are deadly, but your couch is not.
16. Sure, nature can be beautiful. But other humans have been fucking this up for us well before 2005.
17. There’s a 100% chance you’ll be covered in dirt.
18. And there ain’t no showers in the woods.
19. Honestly, no TRUE friend would ask you to do any of this. So just say no. The end.